I landed here in Costa Rica a week ago today, and as my mentor stated before I left,
“You’ll come back a different woman Christine”.
Only a week in and already my soul feels a sense of home as I connect to the land and spend an hour each morning meditating in the pool, or as I prefer to call it, Be-ing No-thing.
Each morning as the sun rises at 5 am, I begin to stir and set the intention of releasing another belief, thought or habit within myself. Pictures can not begin to display the beauty here on top of the mountain. At the edge of the infinity pool is a view that captivates me beyond measure. Lush green rolling mountains with the ocean on the horizon. The grass is dry, and plants are oversized and if you sit still long enough, you are joined by Gaia’s creatures. Little water beetles gather at the edge of the pool, a tribe of small lizards come out from their hiding and dragonflies circle overhead. All of them as curious of me, as I am them.
At 9 am just after my yoga practice, I slip into my swimsuit and gently climb into the pool. It’s much cooler than the air and brings a tremendous amount of relief to my overheated and swollen limbs. With headphones in playing sounds of angelic waves, I make my way over to the edge facing the mountain. I sit still and wait as the creatures one by one come make their appearance. I then, just breathe, emptying my mind and allowing the connection to everything that is. I feel a sense of freedom that allows me to detach from my body and thoughts, bringing my breath into alignment with Gaia’s heartbeat.
On the flip side, I check every cushion before I sit, shake off every piece of clothing or towel before using and walk with caution as I enter my bathroom. That’s probably the most humorous part of this journey for me. I’m sure if it was videoed you’d all get a kick out of it. My bathroom has an outside facing door as well as the one I walk through. I approach it while talking to any potential “friends” I may find in there in hopes that hear me coming and hide. I step into the doorway, peer around the corner at the high ceiling and scan the room. As I step in, I slowly peer around behind the door (which is where the gigantic-normous spiders hide) and hold my breath until the coast is clear. While in the shower I remind myself;
“Christine, don’t look for things you aren’t ready to see”.
It’s been an incredible adventure to date. The family I am staying with as opened not just their home, but their hearts, dreams, aspirations and fears with me. A bonding that will last this lifetime. Gratitude pours through our hearts together each morning as I share Reiki healing with them and each evening as we share our favourite music while enjoying dinner together. The endless laughter, deep conversations and heartfelt tears has brought us to a level of understanding that we have manifested each other well before we met.
The challenges I face here are unique to the climate. My nails and face are always bare and my wardrobe consists of as little as possible. My face is glowing as my skin produces oil and sweat and body is swollen from the heat. My mind is empty until a run into a spider the size of my hand or have a horned beetle fly and hover around me. Those things are huge, like a field mouse and louder than a hummingbird. I still overreact full scale with loud curse words and dramatic grasps, but I am learning to break that habit … slowly.
My intention over the next coming week (or weeks) is to fully surrender and allow. Releasing fear of the outcome, the story that these creatures are “scary”. I am aware that it’s simply a story I have programmed into my thoughts and when presented with a gradual introduction I have been delighted to sit and watch with awe the beauty of each interaction. I sit, silent and feel that connection that together we exist and without perception nothing would be. When they come barreling in however, I turn into a theatrical show ending with an immense amount of laughter.
Today, as December begins to unfold, I reflect back on all the striving, all the doing and all the pushing I have done over the years. I turn 40 on the 21st and somewhere deep within myself there is a knowing that 40 is when my biggest lessons would be complete (not that they ever really end but the big giant ones) and I would walk this earth in the truth, the knowing that I one with everything. That’s been with me for so many years that I don’t remember when it filtered in, but here I am 20 days away from 40 sitting outside by the pool as real and raw as I have ever been. I am being given opportunities to surrender each and everyday.
A year and 9 months ago I experienced my life transform before my eyes. I was hit a health condition that almost took my life. In May of 2017 I made a promise to myself that I have kept since. I was rushed to the hospital as my body went into a full shut down. Upon arrival the nurses and doctors hovered over me frantically opening up my airways and filling my body through IV with medications that sent me into convulsions. Without being able to speak and barley being able to breathe, I felt my body spasm and shake and all that ran through my head was;
“This is it.”
I felt tears running down my face, my lips quivering and what I can only describe as my soul trying to break free from my meatsuit as my awareness came and left like small child trying to keep their weary eyes open when exhausted. I felt myself slip away as I sent reiki and love to my children. Several hours later my awareness came back. I could feel my lungs aching for a large breath. Before opening my eyes I made myself the promise that I would live freely, no striving to meet anyone’s expectations. I promised myself that I would never go back the corporate world and that I would trust fully that universe that resides within me would create the life I meant for, not my ego.
Since that day, I have watched as everything fell away from me, making room for the experience I am living now. I fully surrendered (sometimes kicking and screaming until I realized I was stuck in thought) and then the most beautiful thing happened. I met a woman who I know call sister.
I was hosting a workshop on self love and in walked Tarah. Her skin is dark like black velvet, her smile is infectious and a that soul speaks with innocence. Pure, untouched by the world and radiating love. She invited me home, to her parents and this is where my life became what I knew within it could be. With Faro my mentor, MomA aka Audrey, and Tarah by my side, I experienced unconditional love for the first time. Through Faro’s guidance and with the love from these ladies, I fully unfolded.
Unfolding and surrendering to God/Goddess/universe within awakened the truth, the knowing, the consciousness and this is why I am sitting in Costa Rica blissed the F*** out.
We spend so much time in thought, trying to control the outcome, trying to make people value us, love us, see us. We spend so much energy striving for things, enlightenment, shunning the ego or worse yet staying captive to the story within. We waste energy judging ourselves and others. We tell ourselves that we are more important, that we have the answers, that we must save our partners or those around us. We have convinced ourselves that we must do. All of this, is a lie.
The awareness I sit in at this moment, is that surrendering is the only thing required to be free. When we can surrender to each thought, fear, worry, desire or goal, we open up the source within, the creator, the universe, the is-ness. Your soul, the spark of life that exists in everything is your gps system. When try to live through thought, we create suffering. When we surrender our gps re-routes. Unlimited love awaits you. Surrender. No more what if’s. Just be, allow, surrender and connect.
This week I ask you to join me. Embark on this journey with me? This week together, let’s pick one thing to surrender to. Mine will be surrendering to the story of bugs being scary. My intention is to wonder the property with a clear mind, open heart and explore the space within me that resides within them. What will yours be?
Spending a quiet 20 mins without thought?
Being vulnerable?
Using a journal to empty the mind?
Driving in you car without sound and allowing yourself to just be?
All the love and magic your way xoxo
Love you. Madly.
Christine
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