I am sitting here in Costa Rica, literally sweating my face off with the temperature sitting at 34 degrees celsius and the humidity causing every inch of my body to perspire. Butterflies the size of my face are swirling around me and the sound of parrots singing in the background flood my ears as I ask myself;
“Baby girl, how did you even get here?”
Not referring to sitting in Costa Rica, but instead to this level of happiness and confidence that is swelling up from within, that I am in fact, living my perfect life.
As a little girl, I had this knowing that I would find my way, but holy man did I ever question that all along this journey. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family as I believe most of us did. I was beaten, emotionally scarred and even abandoned. I was raped at the young age of 4 years old and had series of moments up until my early 30’s that made me question if life was even worth living. Even though I had moments of questioning, something inside me kept whispering;
“You will get there, I promise.”
After my second divorce, I embarked on my journey of self love. Not an easy feat, but throughout many trials and errors I found out what stepping stones were needed to get here. Here being a place that I am unstoppable. Mind you, I still have a few things to really embody, like letting go of the body shaming and giving a little more respect to my body’s needs but I am well on my way this.
A bit of a back story, I was diagnosed with a health condition that almost took my life a few times, I have dated 100’s of men and women both, and I have switched careers and homes more times then I count. I have been in school my whole life adding certificates to my huge list of credentials. I was constantly searching for my path, my forever lover and a sense of family I had yet to experience but, it turns out all I was seeking was the fully authentic me.
Each career I would push myself to the point of full exhaustion while deep within I dreamt of the day where I would work for myself as the Spiritual Advisor I now am. Each relationship I would question if this was the one. The truth I now know is that you can literally have everything your heart aches for. Looking back I giggle so much at myself. My fear of being fully authentic held me back from receiving what I knew within I deserved.
I walked away from the corporate world in 2018, my health made sure I couldn’t work anymore. As if my body, my soul knew, that I had to be pushed into being stuck at home in order to allow me to step full time into my purpose here on earth. I watched each day as new clients just found me. I didn’t have to advertise nor force it, it just happened. It happened when I just let go and stood in the truth that I am a 5th generation psychic for a reason and that each course I studied lead me to using this gift as first a Life Coach and C-Level Advisor and now a Spiritual Advisor.
When I dropped the parts that weren’t allowing me to use this gift, which was hella scary cause who would ever take a “psychic” seriously? The stigma of long skirts, crystal balls and huge hoop earrings terrified me. As I grew in the awareness of how import self love is, this fear began to fall away allowing me to give fully to my clients.
The next thing I had to conquer was allowing myself to be single and float freely letting myself worth and love grow strong enough that I would attract him, the one I knew deep within me existed. My complete mirror, the one who was my twin but even more so the man who would embody the opposite qualities I hold, creating a balanced union of love.
Every relationship I had I would chat about in detail to my closest friends and confidants. Each time making statements like, “I don’t think this is warrior I am waiting for”, and yet I would stay and fall fully in love with who they naturally were without conditions. The questioning within me would continue, like there was just something missing that I couldn’t put my finger on. Each conversation with my soul sisters would lead into them telling me I was being unrealistic, that maybe I was sabotaging the relationship by finding missing pieces with what was a “really nice guy who treats me well.” Eventually this questioning would lead me to me breaking up with them and receiving a whole lotta “Oh there she goes again” from my crew.
My fear of judgement of having yet another new boyfriend or failed relationship would make me jump in fully trying so hard to make this one work out. But as always, the missing piece I was feeling would lead to another breakup. This September I decided to change it all. I stopped going out to meet people and instead spent my days being loved by adopted family.
Side note: after a nasty break up in April with a very narcissistic man, I was forced to flee our home in order to prevent what felt like the onset of violence. I am a very strong woman, there is very little I will put up with when it comes to someone projecting their anger towards me. I watched as a very broken man with the most generous soul began drinking in excess to avoid the pain and heartache he was feeling in his own world. Each week the booze intake would increase until he started picking away at me, pushing blame in my direction. As he began to throw things at me and slam his fists down directly on the counter in front of me I knew if he gathered any more courage with his violence, I would have ended up letting my inner asshole out and giving it back to him. This is when I knew it was time to allow my closet people in. This family, a person man, a jamaican goddess and her soulful daughter insisted I leave everything behind and move in them.
Within two days, I was moved in and experiencing for the first time unconditional love from the most beautiful family. I was home. It took me sometime to adjust to receiving love on such a beautiful level but they quickly became the family I used to dream of having.
Over the next several months I spent time allowing my truth, the fully authentic woman to unfold, all of me coming to the surface in a beautiful messy way. As this happened I began to joke around about being ready for my warrior to find me.
One morning while drinking my coffee without thought, I picked up my laptop and searched to see if there was such a thing as a “spiritual” dating site. Turns out, there’s a ton of them. I scrolled through and decided on one and threw up a very detailed profile and then set my computer aside and rolled my eyes. What the hell was I doing?
“Just let it be Chris” I mumbled as I walked into the kitchen to pour a second cup of coffee.
Three days later I checked back into the site to delete the profile. As the site downloaded, a picture of man with the sweetest smile was top and centre. In that moment, my entire life changed.
During this same week I was also invited to move and stay with friends in Costa Rica. My first days in this country I knew that this would be part of my home forever. But all of this will have to wait for the next blog … it gets so juicy and I can’t wait to share the deets with you.
For now, what I really want to say is, never ever dumb down or quiet the voice within that says what you want so bad, is unrealistic. I did that for years, and when I embraced the pieces of myself that no one else on this earth had yet to understand, magic happened. This is what I want for you. As this blog continues, I will be sharing stepping stones with you that will help you unfold your ultimate life.
This is where I ask you to join me. I beg you to be brave enough to be vulnerable with me. Allow yourself the gift of being fully transparent because by doing so, you will shed all the bits you’ve held onto for so long that have been preventing you from attracting everything you heart and soul deserve.
Begin today with just this;
Open your journal, write down every single desire you have. No matter how large or outlandish they seem, write them all down. Once you have a list, I want you to read it over and over. Then I want you to decide that this is the year you will go after each and every single one of them. This is the year that you will no longer stand back and just wish, but instead create.
Join me in the next blog to find out step two, more details on how you too can attain it all. In the meantime, allow me to be a part of it with you. Email me and share your dreams with me as I share my journey with you.
Let your journey begin babe, you and me, hand in hand.
Love you. Madly.
Christine xo
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