Jump and trust your wings will grow

I am calling all #freedomseekers 

Here’s the thing, I need you deep, real, raw and transparent cause babe, you can’t help me if you don’t get this ... I need your support, I don’t fully believe in myself yet. 

If you are going to coach me, tell me I am pretty, tell me I am smart and that I can do this, then you just failed me with your lack of depth. I don’t FEEL pretty, smart, or in control. I know I am, but I don’t FEEL it. 

Again here’s more truth, I am freaking out. If you are going to sugar coat that and talk me down, then again you failed me with lack of awareness. 

Once more, here’s the truth, I am scared shitless and guess what? I already tried to talk myself through this. I know the words, I know what “should” be said, and I know how to coach. I tried all the things I did for you. I tried everything I did for him, for her, for them and for me. Yet, here I stand needing my deepest darkest soulmate, my freedom seeker. 

If you can’t understand that, then you aren’t it. 

Here is what I know;  I am stronger then I have ever been. I have been broken down, a life times worth. He, she, them, hurt me, abused me, raped me, tore me apart and made me doubt my entire existence to the point of wanting death over anything else.

“Give me an exit strategy” I USED to plead. 

I grew from that, holy shit did I ever. I became so strong I was actually labeled “TOO STRONG” like that’s legit fucking problem?! 

I found my balance after “TOO” everything and now here I sit with the pressure having people who rely on me, depend on me to, stay. as. me. 

Is it to much say how dare you? 

Am I the only one who feels like this meat suit I walk around in, just can’t cut it?  I teach, every single day, every mother fucking day how to evolve, how to be you, FULLY in this world we reside in. 

I am not interested in fooling anyone, and the guidance I offer is your own truth channeling through me - through you, for you, with you. For I am you, I become you when with you, connected to you. 

Yet, I sit here, one tear running down my cheek, reminding me how unhappy in this moment I really am. 

“Happiness is an inside job Christine” I remind myself. 

Well what if it takes the ebb and flow of the inside being matched by your outside to actually heal? What I mean is, we can do all the work required and still not be okay. Let me tell you how ridiculous my healing journey has been. I have dedicated my whole life to healing myself so I can offer the best possible services to those I love and my clients. All the courses, the “knowledge”, the mentors and yet in this moment, I am aching inside. Some will blame my ego, some will blame my experiences, some will blame my independence but the truth is, I am at this moment alone, taking the actual jump, alone.

Funny right?  “You are never alone” “you are one with everything” “there is no separation between you and me” “You ego is the only thing that separates you” 

Yet here I am, fully aware and in touch with this knowing. I am connected to all that is. I can close my eyes and speak to my Angels, my guides, my grandmother, and even the stars. I know how loved I am.  I know how supported I am, and that my dreams literally fall into my lap. I also know that I just need to be brave in order to succeed. I know. You can tell me all you want, but I already know what is coming out of your mouth. The difference is what I FEEL. I feel the aloneness of jumping off this cliff alone. 

Ever stop to think about what the difference is between what we know vs what we feel? Side note: I can barely wait for those who are “evolved” to jump all over this ... so before you do, check in with yourself, your truth. Check into the times you doubted yourself, get really human with me cause guess what? You are just like me, for I am you. Just like the rest of us, the divine living through the experience of being human. Which means, you will ALWAYS no matter what, have moments of human first. Moments of curiously and moments of doubt. If you disagree, then you are even more trapped by your ego trying to convince you how evolved you are then you are aware of it. I said “moments” not your entire experience. Welcome to your meat suit. 

I promised a divine crew awhile ago that I would always be me, the I AM presence living through Christine, which feels like a circus act in moments. So let me get to the point, like ready for it? 

I feel something so big, so scary and I am jumping. Here’s what I will never stop preaching; 

Jump and trust your wings will grow on the way down. 

Let me say for us jumpers, we don’t care about your judgement. We didn’t ask for your opinion, so keep it to yourself would ya? 

Anyone else done with unsolicited advice? I have spent my whole life with two things: 

1 - a dream larger than life.  2 - 95% of the people in my life either judging me, or trying to discourage me from following my insane dreams. Yes, they are insane according to complacent people. 

Right now, I FEEL so terrified, so scared. Like what if I fail? Again? Here’s the difference, this time I am not listening to the 95% like I always have. This time I am listening to the 5% that is cheering me on. And I am seeking more of the same people to join me. 

I am so done. So done following the expectations of others. So done trying to only stand out a itty bit. So done holding back, so done standing on the edge of the cliff wondering, what if?  I am so done dating in the typical way, I am so done searching for the next job, next relationship, next safe space, or next level of awakening. Fuck that shit, I say. I just want to be. Let me just be, right here. Don’t tell me to do, or not to do. Let me just be. What ever that is, for my soul knows. My being knows. 

What about you love? Is your soul ready? Do you have a dream? Are you ready to to just be, along side me? No matter how big or small, what is the dream you have?

I am backing up 12 feet from the edge of the cliff, taking 2 giant inhales with the loudest “you go this” exhales and then, leading with my left foot, I am digging down and taking off running with all that I have. Without counting the steps to the edge I am just throwing myself off the cliff as hard as I can. Chest facing the sun, arms open, heart full of trust and the only words in my mind are the words of my #freedomseekers 

So, can you build me up? Can you get real and raw with me? Be my voice, right now?  Are you brave enough to share with me so I can learn what you need from me to be yours. Are you ready to be a #freedomseeker?

Ready to grow wings on the way down? 

Inhale, one.  Exhale, two. Inhale, three.  Exhale, go. 

What are you ready for?                                         

If you are feeling this the way I am, then join hands with me. Let’s support each other and inspire each other and keep each other built up when all the nay sayers want us to stop. 

Love you. Madly.

Christine