Where in your life can you hold more space for the true feeling of life living through you?
“With each breath we are born and we die. Inhale brings us life and the exhale brings us death. It is in the gap between the breath, the space where we can not have thought, that life is truly created.” - Dashta The Collective
I invite you to take a moment and close your eyes and feel life expanding and contracting through you with each inhale and exhale. As you do so, pause at the end of each breath, in and out and hold space there for awareness.
We are taught that we must have a form of practice to find inner peace. Whether it is meditation or chanting or something other, we have been shown that we must ‘do’ in order to be. I invite you to just allow. Allow yourself to feel life living through you, in each of the gaps between our breath. As you do so, allow the thoughts to drift, coming to life with the inhale and being put to rest with the exhale. Allow your connection to all that is, the truth of what we are, to become, to unfold, to be in the space between.
The past few months working with Faro, I have had to explain to him what my meditation practice was and how I work with my clients. I used to call it mediation for lack of a better term, but it’s different than that. As far back as I can remember I have been a day dreamer. What I mean by this is, I drift away in nothingness and once I “reconnect” to the physical moment, I have a new sense of clarity. Like a Download, or maybe I should call it an upload? Regardless, when I was explaining “meditation” to Faro this is was the only way I could put it into words. I sit, I be no-thing.
A few months ago I moved out here onto the property at The Dashta Centre. If you haven’t spent a day wandering the land here yet, I strongly suggest it. It has energy like nothing else. Since my move, I chose to let go of everything. I let go of my material possessions, my truck, my boogie lifestyle and few people in my life. I dropped everything that wasn’t serving me in order to fully sit in the gaps I mentioned above. Since doing so, I have been able to stop all the ‘striving for’ and all the ‘trying’ and allow, just as my breath.
Through all of this I have been able to touch into the core of a lot of unneeded beliefs and surrender fully into this “discovery” as MomA calls it. Life is not journey for it has no destination. It’s a never ending discovery.
I made a promise to myself going through this journey that I would be fully transparent, so make yourself a tea, or pour a glass of wine and join me for a minutes?
I often felt like I had two personalities and in a way I do. I am, and have always been fully aware and in touch with my “is-ness” as I call it. My soul, my truth but more so the knowing that I am you, as you are me. Without getting too long winded, the awareness of life living through my meatsuit named Christine, has always been there. Like a mirror, I reflect everyone I meet, so much so that I kid you not, everyday I hear “you look so familiar” at least 3 times. Whether its a stranger on facebook, or someone in the liquor store … cause I shop there a lot. The other part of me, is the crazy actress. A larger than life, curious human who will do anything for a laugh or deep crazy off the wall convo.
Since moving to the cottage at The Dashta Centre, my discovery has been other world. In the past, my quiet moments in the gap would take me travelling to other galaxies, other realms, and give me visions and experiences that would take a novel to write. But since being here, it has shifted. I still talk to ghosts, galactic energies and Angels everyday, but now a big part of the days are spent fully submerged in the gap. My “gifts” to see you have increased 10 fold and the awareness of what life is has shot out of me like the beanstalk that Jack planted. Which is amazing, yet can make it really hard for any visitors due to my human need to just talk talk talk about everything in gratitude for having “company over”.
Throughout all of this, and this what I really want to get to, there has been so much damn crying and so much ducking laughter. Faro has taught me that the human body needs two things to heal; tears & laughter. Well, yep he is right. As if we ever doubted right?
The crazy cool part, is when we can cry without a reason. In the past, I have spent a lot of time crying over past lovers, missing my children as they go explore their own lives, missing a family that I don’t belong in and even over my body and all it’s curves. Why is it so damn hard to lose weight? Like honestly? Anyway, I digress, I was raised with the quote “big girls don’t cry’. Crying is not something that was, sometimes still isn’t, easy for me. I would get “stronger” instead of allowing my meatsuit to just let go and be. If I did cry, which I can remember the first time being the day my grams transitioned into spirit, I had to have a reason. I had to build the story in my head to the point of feeling the tears building before I could do it. Even then, I’d be thinking about how squished up my face was and how stuffed up I would get instead of just allowing. My mind, my ego would chat through the entire process. I can’t be the one like this can I?
Once I moved to the cottage, that really changed for me. Part due to letting go of an entire way of living to fully dive into this journey of bringing love and laughter to the world, and second because I had to let go of people who were in my life for the wrong reasons. They may not agree with that statement, but I see through people right into their intentions. The true intention, I see it. I see everyone’s. It’s this amazing yet challenging gift I have.
Here is some more transparency for you, did you need to top up your drink yet? I can wait. :) okay here it is, my true intention used to be, “just keep me please”.
A few years ago, I healed this part of me, but then I just got stuck in this other weird thing, but that's for another day. When I lived in the intention of “just keep me please”, I had come from a challenging life, as we all have. I lived through this place of fear, allowing it to dictate all my actions. I fell into the belief that;
If I give and give, and just make it my mission to love him, then he will give it back to me and I will be kept. - with a huge fingers crossed after that.
Today I spent an hour crying. An ex from a couple of years ago reached out to me, allowing me to reflect on how it ended. How out of the fear of not being kept, I acted in way that was not true to who I am, but was true to my intention of “please keep me’. The tears rolled down my face, just one at a time, with no story, just a release. I chose to stay in the gap the entire time. Afterwards, I felt the pain of a more recent past lover. The tears flowed yet again, but this time not for me, for him. I attached no story and just allowed and from it came this;
We spend so much time giving it all away. We give all of what we think the other person wants. Whether it be a lover, a parent, a child, a friend, a career. We give, even claiming,
“I have so much love to give”
“I have all of this, to give to you”
We over extend ourselves believing we have to give in order to receive. What if, we stayed in the gap? What if you could join me here in this space, this gap of just being, allowing life and death to flow with you, for you. Each inhale bringing life to what serves and each exhale bringing death to what does not? If we allowed the body to laugh with the in and cry with the out. What would the intention be?
My darlings, I want for you. I want you to explore the freedom that is waiting for you in the gap.
Your challenge, this time it does not require a unicorn onesie, is to give yourself permission to stop giving a sh*t. Stop trying. Get real, find out your intention (if you can’t discover it, book a session with me. We can fine it and rewrite it in an hour) then once you see it, breathe out. Let it be the death of the exhale. Pause in the gap, be no-thing. Then breathe in creating new. Don’t tell a story, just breathe, and live in the gap.
If you could use a few words to describe creation what would they be? Go ahead, be all human on this one. For me, creation is love, nurturing, abundance, never ending. There is no need to try. It just happens. Like an egg and sperm creating life, you don’t have to do anything expect enjoy the connection and through the act of love, life is created. A plant grows through the water we give it, you don’t make it grow, but through an action of love (watering it) it continues to grow creating new life everyday.
“It’s in the gap between, that life is created.”
How’s your drink now? Don’t worry, this is the end, we can meet next week and do it all over again if you’d like?
Love you. Madly.
Christine
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