It’s a cold snowy day here in Canada, and as I listen to the snow ploughs drive by I am curled up in bed, reflecting on a dynamite conversation I had with a soul sister. Yesterday was the day I discovered that my vision board from two years ago is fully complete. As we spoke about the next chapter in our lives, I was a bit lost on what I will create next for myself.
What dreams do I have left?
My entire life has been abundant with magnificent dreams. My most recent trip to Costa Rica began with a moment where I realized I had fully created the life I had always wanted since I was a little girl. I am an entrepreneur with a successful company and amazing team that just continues to grow each month. I have a strong and healthy body. My children have grown into amazing humans whom I am deeply proud of. I have the sweetest pup that brings me joy each and every day. I get to travel whenever and wherever I desire, and I have a soul tribe that feels better than family.
It wasn’t always this way let me tell you! I started with nothing. I was homeless after my divorce in 2002, I had lost my entire life, all but a garbage bag of clothes. I have endured abuse, neglect, struggled with depression, attempted suicide, and recovered from cancer, just to mention a few things, all before the age of 35. Now, here I am, 41 years old, and I could not feel more alive. I don’t have it all, no one does. What I do have, is a list of experiences I have fully manifested and a life full of excitement and love.
After my chat yesterday, I have had this overwhelming energy flowing through me that can only be described as gratitude. This is pretty normal for me. I am effortlessly aligned with gratitude, as it is such a powerful energy of creation for us all. But yesterday it was so potent I was actually feeling heart palpitations. Overwhelming and delicious.
Two years ago I made a choice to change everything in my life. I was in a solid loving relationship, I had the house, the cars, the “life” I thought I wanted. Yet, something felt missing. Ever get that feeling? Like something is just not complete? Turns out, it was soul yelling at me to step further into purpose.
Two years ago, I left my relationship, sold everything I owned, donated all my clothes and bought a plane ticket to begin the deep dive into truly learning to surrender. At the time, Rebellious Awakening was doing great, our HTS - Healing The Subconscious program had launched with incredible success and my days were filled with changing lives. Yet, something still wasn’t complete within me. When I landed in Costa Rica, I knew only one person, didn’t speak spanish and had no idea why I was being pulled there. I just knew I had to invest into living there for a year. I found a condo online before I went, unseen signed a lease and before I knew it I was standing in the living room alone, looking at my luggage and new home with so much uncertainty. I will never forget that moment, opening the patio door and feeling the intense heat hit my face as the sounds of birds flooded my ears while the self talk took over;
“Holy shit Chris, you’re home. This is insane, I can’t believe I am doing this.”
Feelings of fear, excitement and thrill of the unknown.
Fast forward to now, I am back in Canada and have literally shed everything that previously held me back in life. I giggle every time I run into an old friend and get bombarded with questions. Why did you go? Why did you come back?
In hindsight, the year away was my re-birthing and that of Rebellious Awakening. I spent a year discovering that my soul, my essence, is who I want to bring to the world. No longer doubting myself, my body, my dreams and my goals. Each day in Costa Rica I lived in my curvy body wearing only a bikini, with no make-up, and fluffy beach hair. I lost touch with my old self, who was always so worried about her appearance and her weight. I spent my days working with clients, meditating on the beach, and receiving never ending downloads, which now have become the programs we offer.
Previous to this trip, my dreams would whirl around me and the overwhelming sensation of “how” would keep me captive and stuck. The fears:
Can I continue to financially support myself with this company?
Will I be alone forever?
Will my damn body drop these extra pounds?
What if it all falls apart?
These fears would creep in occasionally, and as they did I noticed how things would begin to slow down for me. So, I took a deep dive and surrendered to them and allowed the truth to surface. All along, hidden deep within was the real fear, the little girl within who was rejected and beaten, who didn’t believe she was worthy and deserving of having it all. She grew up fighting and striving for everything she had attained. “Be stronger”, “work harder”, “you’re not enough yet, keep pushing”. I had no idea that these fears were still buried within. It turns out that when you strip away everything that used to be your identity, and release the fear, you stand in authenticity. You learn to be brave, to be raw and vulnerable with your truth.
Lucky for me, I have a team that coaches me as much as I coach clients. The truth is, we all have hidden fears. We are in these meat suits, and damn they can be tricky sometimes. The beautiful shift comes with every surrender. Go deep within and be vulnerable with yourself. Dig down into what is truly holding you back, the real fear. Once I did that, I was able to heal it, and as Brandy says, radically rewrite my story.
From that moment of truth, everything has changed for me. If you want it, you must create it. If you want change, make the choices that generate change. Heal the beliefs that limit your experience, and your experience becomes limitless.
After this healing, my body began to change. It lost 40 pounds with no effort, it began to crave food that truly served it. My perception of it changed and now I adore it and the remaining curves. It continually surprises me with its strength and transformation. My body is no longer my identity, it is my experience.
After this healing, my bank account always has what it needs in it. I never think about money or stress where the next flow will come from. Like a tree in the dry season, I trust that rain will fall again.
After this healing, love has entered my life in a way I didn’t know was possible. Surrounding myself with my soul tribe, my life is full of unconditional love and acceptance. Deep emotional connection and unlimited laughter. I have learned that one person cannot give you everything, but a tribe can uplift you, support you, and bear witness to your self-fulfillment.
If you want change, you have to choose to create it. It starts by healing the limiting beliefs, and discovering your worth. Only then can you realize that you do not have to push for anything. All the striving, the trying, the working hard, comes from the fear that you cannot attain it. When you let that fear take over life becomes a hamster wheel, never truly attaining the desire. Instead, when you heal and truly know what you are worth, like truly deeply understand and believe what you are worth, your soul will speak loud and clear. This is when inspired action takes the lead. The clarity screams at you and propels you forward. You will find the flow, fully aligning with the stream of desire and with ease, surrendering into its grasp.
Believe you deserve the dream that resides within you.
My next vision board is in the works. A relaxing luxury trip on a beach, then another adventure trip by year end is top of my list. Some life things like getting my pup fixed, some serious dental work, and pimping up my car. New music experiences along with a few concerts, fun soul tribe adventures, more power house women in my life, and having my children's
books come to life in the world. Ready for this next chapter!
Join me, let's do this together.
What are you going to be brave enough to create?
All the love,
Christine xo
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